The WoW Widow: An Introduction

I need to start this blog off by saying that World of Warcraft was almost the end of my marriage. But that was 2 years ago. My husband started playing WoW in February of 2007 - referred by one of his friends/ex-girlfriend. So immediately that was a strike against the game. Then the countless hours that he spent playing WoW instead of paying attention to me, well, that was strike two. If all you're interested in is Wow stuff...scroll down to the purple text. For my IRL WoW drama, read on...


About 4 months after he started playing WoW I went into a deep depression (but that's for a different blog. See: Rainy Day Ramblings) at which time he didn't know how to help me, so instead he spent even more time playing WoW just to NOT deal. This ultimately ended up in me seeking out emotional support elsewhere that almost ended in the demise of my marriage. From my POV hubby was too busy playing WoW to pay attention to me, and too caught up in it to realize or care that I was beginning to rely on someone else to provide for me what he couldn't or wouldn't. All due to WoW. Or so my mentality was at the time.

And then I told him I was moving out. Immediate response was something to the effect of: "I'll give up the game! You're more important to me." So now I am more important, now that I am leaving. I moved out for a week and a half, we started marriage counseling, and I think somewhere in there we came to realize the things that we loved about each other again. He began to understand, if not how I felt, then at least how to gauge how I was feeling by my actions. He learned to pick up on what I WASN'T saying. He learned to TRULY pay attention to me, beyond the fact that I was there physically or not.

I started to realize that I didn't really want him to pay attention to me so much as I wanted him to be AVAILABLE to pay attention to me. Which the game interfered with, of course. He started to realize that he REALLY needed to pay attention to me... to pick up on what I wasn't saying, because I wasn't saying it out loud because I didn't think he would listen.

We grew. As people, as a couple, as parents. Our marriage grew stronger over that period of time than it probably ever had been in the 5 years we had been married at that point. I think he finally realized that I was ill.

But I digress, the two weeks in January 2008 that I moved out..he gave up WoW. When I came home, I noticed the difference in him. He was there, he wanted to spend time with me, he was smothering me. This is when the revelation came that it was the feeling of him being able to pay attention to me that I sought. Because in reality, I like my space. I like to do my own thing and not have someone shadowing me.

So I let him off the hook, I told him that I would be ok with him playing WoW again, but there had to be some changes.

1. He was in a guild that REQUIRED guild members to raid AT LEAST 2 or 3 raids each week and they were at a set time. Seven o'clock on Friday and Saturday nights and then like 1 or 2 during the week. Now, if you are a single person, or a married couple and you both play then this is fine, whatever. But when you have a wife who doesn't play, and a 3 year old kid, being out of commission due to RAID is NOT ok 3 nights out of 7. And if getting in trouble with the guild bothers you more than getting in trouble with your family...then something's gotta give. So he left the guild. I believe he joined a different one that didn't have the same raid requirements..but regardless of what happened in game... I got my husband back.

2. Raiding was ok...but not if it interfered with our life. I.E. if we schedule going out Friday night for dinner around when he HAS to be home for raid..this is not OK.

Other things changed as well but mainly we learned to communicate.

So...fast forward a year. A lot happened that I will spare you. May 2009 he got me to start playing again on a free trial through recruit-a-friend. Triple experience for both of us and I was a lvl 20 Warlock within a week. I was hooked. Herein starts the adventure.


A true warlock was born: in game and out. And now I am becoming an altoholic.